Oooooo weee! thhiirrrtttttyyy.

So here I am again, at another cross roads. I turn 30 in just a few hours. 

I feel ready! (said no one ever.) I guess it's real 'adulting' from here on out (ya right, enter: video games, more tattoos, and adventures galore!) I might not be the one to ask when it comes to what makes an adult, but for me it hasn't been the schooling or the working, its been the time in between those things, the small stolen moments that, though you try to tell yourself you will remember, are inevitably forgotten. Like that time you were in the car driving somewhere and you looked out the window and for that fleeting second, things were so simple. The world looked beautiful and calm and right there waiting for you to just take it.

It's also been the gut wrenching losses, and the mind blowing loves, the times when you think "I'll never be _______er than I am right now." When those times have come to an end, I've been scared that I would never get back there again (even the sad places), I've turned those stones over in my hand so many times they've smoothed like sea glass. I've been learning when and where to place that glass back on the beach, to let it go, and keep walking. 

I think thats what being an adult is.

I feel weirdly proud of how far I've come with these thoughts, and weirdly ashamed of myself when I temporarily forget and start back pedaling, but these things happen. Part of letting go of the stone is letting yourself off the hook. I've come to know who I am, and why I am the way I am, and having the ability to forgive myself for it. Sometimes thats harder than forgiving someone else. I tend to pile a lot on top, and let it sag over until it covers my eyes and I have to stop moving so as to adjust the weight of it all. BUT. Im not here to apologize, I'm here to forgive and let go. Well, I'm trying to anyway, adulthood will forever be a work in progress. 

With that said, I'd like to unapologetically set the threshold into my 30s. Aww, there, it's done. 

-&